you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
