i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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