Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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