dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
