Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
