i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
