imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
