Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
