I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
