Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
