So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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