To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
