a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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