I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
