I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I stole a fireplace last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
