i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
