Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
