i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
