ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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