He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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