no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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