I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
