he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
