Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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