its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
