this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
