Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
