The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
