it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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