In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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