I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
