last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
