so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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