Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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