so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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