so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
