Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have fence marks all over my body
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
