I looked at my own cervix.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
