this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
