My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The adults are the big ones right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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