I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
