The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
