So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
