Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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