hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
