she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
