i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
