And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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