your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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