Can Purell be used as lube?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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