We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
