i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
